Beg For Forgiveness
by XbuttonsX
Summary: Matt has a problem. His addiction is controlling his personal life and things are circling the drain for him. His best friend is struggling with his feelings, lost in the denial of his affection. Mild MattxMello, substance abuse and swearing.


**AN: Welcome to the last fic that I shall be posting for a while. –bows- I need a small break and I assure you all that when I come back, there will be far less spelling errors and more fics to come on a –gasp- regular schedule! Can you imagine? I can't wait! –dances happily- I just don't know how long this hiatus status will last, however. Definitely more then a month, though. –nod nod- **

**YAY! Another OC. I am happy with her. She is not some Mary Sue, so if you are thinking of turning back just because I said the dreaded word OC, then just stay for a lil while and try her on for size, alright? For me? Cuz I love Christi and she is cool to me. –thumbs up-**

**Warnings: Drug abuse, suggested sex, yaoi, **_**a**_** straight pairing that doesn't show much. Remember this isn't a full out romance even though it seems like it at some times. –sad face-**

**I do not own Death Note characters, Whose Line Is It Anyways or any cocaine (which is obvious seeing as I probably got it all wrong. :D Forgive me. Just means that I am no druggie. :D). I am rather proud, again, of the thing I did manage to create from this. And, if others like Christi, then, perhaps, we'll see her around some more? –quirks head-**

**Okay, one last thing before I go. Andrea, I send you much love. Robyn, would it have made sense to see Maggie here? XD Did your pup do okay?**

**** ** ** ****

She was his. That was all that mattered to him at this point, when their bodies were hot against each other, breath fluttering over the sweating masses. She was his. He was claiming her, proving how much he cared about - _loved_ - her. She was his everything. She was what breathed life into him. She was his high.

-

"Matt? Matt, you okay? I don't like the way your voice sounds."

""S'okay, Mel. Not like I'm dyin' or nuffink."

"Matt, you're high again, aren't you?!"

"Aww, don't go pointin' your gun at me like this, Mel. I ain't hurtin' nobody!"

"What about you?! You're hurting yourself, Matt!"

"No I ain't, Mel! I ain't hurtin' nuffink!"

"Stop calling me when you're like this, Matt! Got it?! Stop calling me!"

Mello hung up.

-

Matt put a hand through his vibrant red hair, a cigarette dangling on his lips as he stared through goggled green orbs at the television, a game controller held firmly in his hands. Concentration lined his features, his nose beginning to wrinkle as a snarl spread across his lips in the difficulties of trying to beat the boss at hand. A 'Game Over' flashed on the screen and that snarl faltered into a tiny pout. He whimpered slightly, putting his cigarette into an ashtray, striding over to turn the console off before heading into the small kitchen. Grabbing a bag of chips out of the cupboard, he hauled a bar stool away from the counter, ripping the bag of _All Dressed_ rippled chips open and taking one out.

The tenth chip was about to enter his mouth when he heard the door click open. His eyes opened wide before setting the chip down and he jumped from his seat.

"Christi! You're home early!" he called, grabbing the blonde woman at the door in a hug, their lips coming together before she broke it off, slipping her coat from around her shoulders where Matt took it, hanging it on the entry hall's post.

"Yeah, the boss had an 'important meeting' but I know that he really just couldn't wait to go home to his Raito." A sigh etched the pretty woman's lips until Matt pressed their mouths together once more. She hesitated at first but melted into his grasp once his tongue prodded at her lips. But she didn't allow him entrance, instead pushing him away. "Eugh, what is that smell?"

"What smell?"

"Smoke. Matt, you promised me you wouldn't smoke in here anymore!"

"Aww, Chris, c'mon! I haven't in weeks! I've been doing good! You never reward me for doing good!"

"It is a dirty habit, Matthew! One that could kill you some day!"

"You know it won't be the thing to kill me," Matt said in an undertone as his fiancée located the make-shift ashtray with the villainous cancer stick teetering on the edge. She wrinkled her nose in disgust and emptied the vile contents in the garbage can.

"Anything else you hid from me today?!"

"Nothing, love, don't worry."

"Don't go spurting this love crap, Matt! You went against my only rule!"

"That's nothing to spazz about though!"

"Nothing to spazz about he says! The one thing that I get to do to keep order in this relationship and you go and toss it out the window!"

"Gah, Chris, if I knew you would be this mad, I wouldn't have done it," Matt sighed, his hand travelling back up to his beautiful, naturally red hair, tugging at it in his growing temper. "Ya'know what, I think I'll let you cool down some. I'm gonna head over to Matsu's place."

"No you aren't! That's the last place I want you to be right now!"

"Why? Who are you to say where I go? I smoked _one_ cigarette. I'll be back in an hour or two."

-

Mello didn't want any of this. He didn't want to be bothered at three o'clock in the afternoon by his best friend's worried girlfriend. He didn't want to have to go get his best friend while said best friend was stoned out of his mind on whatever drug his 'friend' was providing that day. He didn't want to get dressed, to actually put on his pants. He didn't want to face the facts, the truth. He didn't want to delve into his heart, because he was afraid of what he would find there.

But, he couldn't just sit there listening to the ringing of the phone when the television clearly showed his friend's number - _funny how the TV can know who's calling me, _Mello thought absent-mindedly, delaying his hand from picking up the phone that sat beside his comfortable leather chair.

"Matt or Christi?"

"I'm sorry Mello. Really I am. He went to Matsuda's again."

"What for this time?"

"We had an argument."

"You do realize one of these days I'm just not gonna go, right?"

"Oh, Mello, please, don't do this!"

"Shh, shh, Chris, I didn't mean to make you cry. I'll go, I'll go. I mean, what is a best friend for but to haul you out of the gutter?"

"Thank you, Mello! Really! Thank you!"

"Yeah, well, don't let it happen again, hear me?"

-

"Hey, hey, Matt! You're early this week! Something wrong?"

"Isn't there always?"

"Tell me?"

"Before or after?"

"Well, when do you want to?"

"Why're we talking like we're on 'Whose Line is it Anyways'?"

"What do you mean?"

"Why are we talking in questions?"

"Oh. Well, I dunno! C'mere, man. Tell me about it first, then."

The red-head curled into the lap of the taller, older brunette. He retold the argument he had had with Christi and Mastuda nodded apologetically. Matt nuzzled into the elder man's neck, causing Matsuda to grip him tighter, When he was done, he sighed and then nodded, stripping away his cream-colored vest, striped long-sleeved shirt and cargo pants, moving to straddle the elder man who let a lustrous smirk play across his lips.

"That's right, do it nice and slutty, the way I like it. You know the drill. If I'm not satisfied, then no drugs for you."

Matt played it up, putting on a proper show for the brunette. He felt dirty, sinful even. It wasn't the fact that he was being manipulated by a male that irked him. No, it was because this was basically cheating on the two people he had thought to be in love with. But, the thought of his addiction overpowered him and put all thoughts of Christi and his best friend out of his mind. He was safe here. There was only one person who knew where this place was…

"Matt, you in here? C'mon, man, Christi is worried about yo-"

Mello stopped in his tracks at the scene that played out before him. Matt was still atop Matsuda, but now both were completely naked. Matt halted his movements, feeling Matsuda freeze within him.

"Aww, Christ, no! Matt, no, no, no! This is not what I'm seeing! This is just a figment of my imagination! Just a bad dream. Horrid, awful bad dream!"

"Mel, wait!"

Matt pulled himself off of Matsuda, grabbing his pile of clothes. Mello had turned around, slamming his fists and forehead against a wall. "Mel, it isn't what it looks like!" Matt followed his friend from the room while Matsuda just told him something about "double payment next time."

"On. The. Bike. Right. Now."

"Clothes first?"

Mello just glowered as he watched as his best friend scrambled into his clothes, wondering why there was suddenly a burning heat in his stomach. He knew it couldn't be rage but ... Oh, he knew what the feeling of lust was but didn't understand how he could be feeling it at a time like this. He straddled the bike, waiting for Matt to clamber on and grip his burning stomach. He raced back to Matt's apartment, stopping it right at the front door.

"Mel... You aren't ... You can't tell her. Please! It would kill her!"

"You don't think it doesn't kill me?"

"Why would it kill you?"

"I just walked in on you having sex with a man. A man that is feeding you drugs. Does that happen every time you go there? How many other people does he have hooked on whatever it is he sells?"

"Mel ... Why does it bother you so much?"

"Why does it bother me? You did not just seriously ask that question! Why does it bother me?! Well, Matt, it's pretty shitty finding out that your best friend is cheating on his _fiancée_! _Fiancée_, Matt! You have almost committed yourself to this woman for the rest of your life! It's hard to watch you circle the drain! You've been the greatest thing to enter my life and I'm just sitting here while you kill yourself!"

"M-Mel?"

"I'm not going to tell her. But, I better not hear that you ever go back there, you hear? I'll make sure she knows. And I won't be there to cover your ass."

Matt watched with large, green eyes as Mello kicked his bike into life before he sped off to his own apartment five minutes away. He was a black-leather-clad figure going around a bend by the time that Matt finally tore his eyes away and went in to face the wrath of Christi.

-

Mello couldn't sleep that night. He tossed and turned, unable to rid his mind of the nagging thoughts, the hurtful guilt. His stomach churned and he felt like he was gong to be sick. The only image his mind could process was Matt, naked and sweaty, as Matsuda pounded up into him.

-

_He was his. That was all that mattered to him at this point, when their bodies were hot against each other, breath fluttering over the sweating masses. He was his. He was claiming him, proving how much he cared about - _loved_ - him. He was his everything. He was what breathed life into him. He was his high._

-

Something wasn't right. Everything was spiraling down the drain, just as he had said. Damn, why did he have to be right? Why did he have to know? How was he so good at predicting his next move? Why could he not recognize his feelings before now?

-

"Matt? Matt, I'm going to work now. Please, don't hurt yourself today."

"I'll behave, Momma."

"Come on, Matt. You know I don't like that nickname."

"Then don't wake me up so early!"

"It's almost nine o'clock! See, this is why you don't have a job!"

"Mmkay, hurry, now, love! You wouldn't want to make Ryuzaki wait, now, would you?"

Christi left a hasty kiss on Matt's groggy lips before taking her purse and heading off to work. Matt got up slowly, scratching at his eyes and yawning. Stretching wide, popping his back and moaning at the great feeling, Matt spied his vest from the day previous. There was an unnatural bulge in the pocket that only he would notice. He moved his legs slowly to lay his feet on the cool click-flooring, standing and wobbling as his legs started to give out from the fact that they weren't even fully awake yet. Matt managed to make it to his pile of clothes and a smirk appeared on his face when he saw what was in that bulging pocket. A baggie with white powder made a lustful expression cross his features.

What would it feel like to delve into this bag and not leave? What would it be like to sink into euphoric bliss? Matt moaned in longing just thinking about it. He had never been suicidal, but the thought of the drugs filling his every pore to bring him to his prime high, that was what he longed for. His smirk grew.

-

"Hey, Christi-baby, don't bother coming home. I love ya and all, but, you won't love me. I did a little more then smoke in your apartment today."

-

Mello felt like lead was pouring through his veins. It was hard to pull himself up off his bed, even after a sleepless night. Grabbing a bar of chocolate for breakfast, the blonde sank into his favourite chair, his teeth tearing off a chunk of the brown, milky goodness. He took the television remote in his hand but never got to turn it on as the phone rang. He picked it up on the third ring.

"M-Mel?"

"Matt? What's wr- oh god, no!"

"Mel, it's too bright in here. Do ya think ya could shut off the light? Could ya, Mel?"

"Matt, you're high. I told you never to call me when you're high."

"But, Mel! It's damn bright! It hurts my eyes. Make my eyes better, Mel? Please?"

The blonde cringed. Mello had only ever heard his friend this pleading when he was begging Mello to come scare the monsters out of his closet back in the first grade. Matt's parents had died in a fire when he was six. Mello's family took him in and helped him survive.

"Matt ... Why?"

"Why wha, Mel? Why did I call ya? I dunno. Why're ya stayin' on the line? I know how much ya must hate me right now."

"N-No, Matt, I don't hate you. Hold on, alright? I'll be right over."

"Wait, Mel?"

"Yeah?"

"Love you."

-

It was the high talking. People talk crazy shit when they are high. Matt couldn't possibly love the blonde. Or, maybe he hadn't even meant in that sort of way. A brotherly way? Yeah, that sounded better. More like Matt. Mello's mind reeled as he sped the short distance to his friend's apartment. He was kicking himself. He had said that he would never come to the red-head's aid when he did this to himself, but he did it anyways! God, what was it that Matt did to control him like he did?!

-

"Matt?! Matt, where are you? God, it reeks in here."

"Over here, Mel. This way. C'mon, follow the sweet sounds of my voice. Tha's it! This way!"

Mello gazed at his best friend in horror; his deep blue eyes digging into the scene of the man sprawled on his bedroom floor, cocaine in a baggie and laid out in four straight lines in front of the red-head.

"Come t' join me, Mel?"

"Matt, you asshole! How much have you already done?! Christi's gonna kill you when she gets home! What's the matter with you?!"

"Aww, Mel, don't be so mad! Just let me get my way and let me kiss ya."

"Matt, what the hell is your problem?"

Matt closed his eyes and shook, his body seizing and twitching. Mello kneeled and gripped him in his arms.

"I'm cold, Mel."

"No, Matt. You just think you are. You're fine."

"Nah, Mel. I wish now that I was. I'm an idiot, ya'know?"

"Yeah, no kidding. That one was a given. But, stop saying that type of thing. Makes it sound like you're about to die. I won't let you die."

-

_"Hey, Mel! Come on! Let's go out and dance in the rain! Listen to it! Sounds like hail!"_

_"Then why the hell would you wanna go out in it, idiot?"_

_"Just wanna see you get soakin' wet, s'all!"_

_"What, Matt, you're so weird! We're in high school. You should be grown up enough to not want to go out in the pouring rain."_

_"Aww, but, Mel, you would look so hot wet!"_

-

_­_What if ... what if we had of gone outside that day? Yeah, I know, it's stupid to think of that when I'm dying and all, but that's what happens. Wonder if he would have worked up the nerve to tell me? I doubt it. I'm almost gone and he still hasn't told me yet. He can't possibly think he's hiding it from anybody. Mel, come on, man. Suck up your pride. It's because you were too slow that I ended up with Christi. Promise you'll take care of her. She's a great kid, really, she is. I've been nothing but a pain in her ass. Mel, take care of yourself most of all. Remember, I'm here for you.

-

"Mel, I'm sorry. I've been a jerk. I am a jerk. Look at how I'm goin' out! Not the big times at all! Remember when we said that we'd die together in a shoot-out or something? Sorry that I couldn't be there."

"Matt, stop, would you?! You aren't ... you can't die. Alright, so, just stop!"

Another spasm rocked Matt's body and he felt his lids starting to droop closed. "Mel, call an ambulance or somethin'. I'm real sleepy. And have snorted enough to kill a cow. So, just put me up on the bed. Kiss me. Love me. Christi'll understand. Send me out with a bang."

Mello had tears blossoming onto his cheeks, his normally calm face broken in distraught. "Matt! Matt, don't you dare close those eyes on me! You have so much to live for! Stay with me!"

"Say it, Mel. Say what you've wanted to since you met me. Say that simple phrase." Matt's voice was hoarse, a rough whisper that Mello had to strain to hear.

"Matt, come on! Don't do this to me! Don't you dare do this to me!"

"Make me die happy, Mel. How hard is that? You'll let the person you ... love just slip away? Without even telling him how you feel?"

"Stop it, Matt! Stop, please! Just, hold out for me!"

"Mello! God damn it. Just say that you love me!"

Mello couldn't. He just couldn't. He knew that he did, but he just couldn't bring himself to say it. Because he knew that if he did, Matt would slip away from him. He had to hold on to him for as long as he could. He grabbed the phone that Matt had used to reach him, dialing in 9-1-1, tapping his finger urgently.

"Just say it," Matt moaned, his voice less than a breath as his body rocked once more, his eyes being drilled into the back of his head. Mello gripped him tighter, his voice catching in his throat when a female operator answered.

"P-please, s-send someone, anyone. We n-need help. My friend... he's overdosing. Please. Help him! Please!"

"The address, sir? Do you know the address?"

Mello didn't answer. Matt had stilled, his breathing soft and shallow. "Matt! Matt, no! Stay here, Matt! Stay with me! Please! Matt!"

Mello shook the red-head, desperate to get him to wake. But, try as he might, Matt refused to open his crystalline green orbs. His lips were dry and beginning to crack. Mello let out a sob, dropping the phone to the ground. "Matt! Matt, come on! Wake up! Matt, please!"

That slow, shallow breathing stopped. That frail chest failed to rise, failed to take in oxygen. Those red, puffy eyes wouldn't look at Mello. That head of pristine red hair lolled when Mello shook his slim body.

"Matt!"

-

"Ma'am? Yes, sorry to bother you at work but, could you please come to your house? There has been an emergency."

-

The paramedics had to pry Mello away from the body of his best friend. He fought them, guarding Matt as though he were a meaty bone in the grips of a vicious wolf, even baring his teeth and growling when the first few people flew onto the scene. He sobbed, wracked with his emotion, laying there on the floor of his best friend's room until his best friend's fiancée came home from a busy day at the office.

-

"Why does it bother me, Matt? It bothers me because I loved you. I cared for you like no one ever did or ever will. Matt, it bothered me because you were and are the best thing that ever happened to me."

Mello let a single tear travel down his cheek as he stood by the casket. He placed a hand on Matt's washed, preened, freezing cheek before bending down and placing a delicate kiss on his best friend's pale, cold lips. He felt his own lip tremble as he backed away, taking a shaking, sobbing Christi into his arms, rocking her softly.

There had been no need for visitation. Only four people came to the funeral; Mello, Christi and Mello's two parents. Matsuda would have gone, but he valued his life far too much.

Christi buried her face into Mello's chest as she sniffled, wrapping her arms tighter around his small frame.

-

_"M-Mel?"_

_"Hmm?"_

_"D-Do you think I could come sleep with you tonight?"_

_Mello raised an eyebrow. They were nearly sixteen. What was the need of Matt sharing his bed?_

_"Why would you wanna do that?"_

_"I had a nightmare."_

_As if that explained it all, Mello moved closer to the wall, allowing Matt to sidle in beside him. The blonde wrapped his arms around him in comfort._

_"What happened in this nightmare?"_

_Matt sniffled. He was crying. Was it really that horrible?_

_"Y-You were there, Mel. Back in the fire. I was screaming and screaming but no one came to help me. Except you. You came barging through the fire and heat and falling wood. You came for me. But, just before you got me out of the house, a beam fell on your leg. You were screaming in pain but you wouldn't let me come back to help you. You forced me to leave you. And the last thing I saw of you was you saying you loved me. You said 'Matt, go on. Get out of here. Just remember, I have always loved you. Don't go and get yourself killed in some stupid way. Go live your life the right way.' Mel, when I really die, will you tell me you love me?"_

_"Aww, Matt, that's silly. You won't be dying any time soon. I'm not going to tell you that. I won't ever say I love you!"_

_"W-Why not? Don't you?"_

_"I won't ever say it because you aren't going to die on me, Matt."_

----

_The End_

_---- _

**There it is. Tell me what you think, would you? I cried more while writing it then proofing. XD But, I found it fun to write. And, -gasp- Twas all written in one night. O.O I think momma was gonna start getting mad at me. XD Anyways, how about leaving me a nice lil review that I can look back on with pride? **

**Thanks to the amazing Dreamer for becoming my wonderful Beta! -dies blissfully-**

**I wanna fly to a place where it's just you and me. Nobody else so we can be free. –**_**All The Things She Said**_

_**t.A.T.u**_

**Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me, lying on the floor ~ **_**You found me**_

_**The Frey**_

**Tootles;**

**XbuttonsX**

**I'll miss you all!**


End file.
